some dope sh*t

oh man. i found the best thing i've seen on etsy in a long time! Crocheted baby birkenstocks!

Heather's Treasure Box.

Ya Heather! I just sent her a 'convo': You're a genius!

She also has little knitted cowboy boots, hiking boots, brown WORK BOOTS, bowling shoes, converse of course..but better yet! LILAC converse (just like in Marie Antoinette - there is that momentary flash under all the frippery & finery. An Anachronism. Dunst wore them the whole shoot underneath all of those beautiful cake gowns)

a friend of a friend - laura jane's friend - Emily - is sailing around the world! 24 years old. She has a fantastical project and fantastical voyage planned. Read it all about it! Godspeed to her! I pledged and i will get a present in the mail. She was a genius about the fundraising. For every $1, $5, $10, $15 - $5,000 she offered a generous thank you - sending out polaroids from her voyage, whistles, sailor hats, origami sailboats and so forth upping the ante.

Let's Sail Around The World!

(interesting to note: she is 24. To circumnavigate the world: $24,000 miles. She would like to do this in 24 months)

My birthday is coming up: September 24, 2009. Notes to Selves. Post-it Notes To Selves.
I will not cry on my birthday this year. I promise myself.
(still finishing my book: The Selves)

NUMBERS!

And lastly, my beautiful friend Amanda recommended a book:

A book I read this summer that you may like is: The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barbery

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/14/fiction3?gusrc=rss&feed=books

There is an analyst in Paris who prescribes the book to her patients instead of anti-depressants!

nice!

PS MJ was signed on to do 50 shows and he died at 50.
i will suggest something very dumb right now. I will suggest Twilight Zone theme song kick in.

farrah, tatum o'neal, paper moon, the room etc.

pictures: Youngest Best Supporting Actress winner: 10-year-old Tatum O'Neal, Paper Moon (1973),Farrah in The Burning Bed and Extremities, and dad/womanizer etc Dad Of The Year Award goes to.....RYAN O'NEAL!

the weirdest thing happened last nite after reading the 'farrah' VF article. it's messed. and what's-his-pickle ryan o'neal: what a MESS. publicly declaring that you 'hate' your children but then again admitting he's the worst father on the planet and that he blames himself for farrah's cancer.

SO. shortly thereafter

i was surfing around on youtube lookn for some 'the room' footage and found this gem instead:

Ryan O'Neal from a Norman Mailer (!?) directed movie: Tough Guys Don't Dance worst line reading ever!!

truly

a strange coincidence. a very strange coincidence (refraining from using 'coinky-dink')

maybe some of you have seen this. it has been viewed around 800,00o times. or more.

i was actually hunting down "The Room" footage which has now been named 'the citizen kane of bad movies'

i can't wait to watch it. nadiya said she was laughing so hard she got lockjaw or sumthin like that. she's an actor, so she KNOWS THIS SHIT. plus she worked at blackdog video for awhile and she knows EVERYTHING about movies.

PS tatum was arrested even last year for buying crack off a homeless guy. so yes. ryan o'neal's children are all in and out of jail. he's awesome. AND he's sorry. tatum apparently hated farrah. and apparently melanie griffith was the one who took tatum as a young child to some hollywood orgy and corrupted her...plus her dad got her into opium. etc LIST GOES ON. etc etc etc. Melanie Griffith is super messed. i saw a pic of her at coachella whatever stupid music fest looking totally forlorn and alone in a really bad 'hippie outfit' (replete w/ headband, of course). god, it was so sad.

Autobio note: yes. everything thot i looked like tatum as a tot.

WHAT THE WORLD/NEEDS NOW/IS MARV/SWEET MARV

Kind thanks to the Sea Of Tea for this unbelievable documentary:MARVS of the Yukon - A Mediatation. Starring MARVIN (from the pound. Resuced by JennyBen), special guest appearance: ALICE. Created by: Candice Tarnowski. Debuting at this year's Toronto International Film Festival.

enjoy!
(my friend maya was wearing a tshirt in that coca-cola-coke font: Enjoy Weed!. i was laughing. i know you know it but the context was perfection).





Btw..sitting here in the incredulous montreal freezing my ass off. it's freezing out! i haven't had to wear pants in 4 months - dresses only. NOW. OVER. oh well. i get to drag out the lavender frye boots again..oh and my pink boots (pink pearl eraser pink. i have two pairs. one near destroyed). wait a minute. what am i talking about? thru chilly season - which in Toronto is 8.5 months of the year - I wear the same pair of jeans day in day out.
i just had a cappuccino made for me by the number one barista in the country. 'cafe myriad' on mackay near concordia for coffee lovers. supreme.
and i'll probably go get some 'macro' thing at aux vivres which'll be my 3rd or 4th trip there this week. i, like marvs, am a creature of habit.

AND i need to finish this book.

harkening back on earlier 'kork-ease' posts..i did end up writing my complaint letter on the construction/craftmanship of the sandal. i've had to get them re-built by a professional. It's very important to complain. It helps the world and makes it better. it's like an art school CRIT. ya know?
PS
harkening back on even earlier posts: MARVIN has showed up on this here blog over time. i have another VID of him attempting to clean himself while My Tunes are playing in the background ("Spaceship Superstar" by Prism). i'll post it later-skater. One of my nicknames for marvs is 'dinkus'. cos that's what he is. he wont let anyone pick him up or cuddle him which is ALL you want to do with that muppet and cotton fur with pissed off expresh of all time. He just runs away from you..skuttles out of the room. Audi-500. now i know why people make stuffed animals.

getting ready to start possibly considering thinking about kickin' ass

These are dik-diks! Look at that lil anteater-type snout! what's that for? they are vegans.
tiny, mini. they weight 1.5lbs @ birth
why is this the world? Deaf Leopard: "Hmmm. I think i'mhungry. i'll pick myself up a dik-dik & a vid @ Pic-A-Flic. Back in a flash". (Look @ that Asshole Expression. I've seen that face before).

Dear God: Don't ever hurt these animals. i mean it.
I'm going to Africa so we can all hang out. walk on our hind legs. together.

not. i'm lying down on the couch w/ my hot laptop. staying up way past bedtime. fkn megavideo cut me off mad men S3E2. to be frank, i was falling asleep. i'm a lil worried. SPOILER ALERT. it's waning. i dont know what they're doing. something isn't right. i dont know what they're NOT doing. of course it's too early to tell. they're setting everything up..but by season 3, these series tend to start going a lil sideways. it's the egos and the money by that point. suddenly betty is the star. that's fine..i'm just sayin'.

and.
True Blood. I can barely be bothered. ya sure i'll watch it but luv affair is OVER. Honeymoon. DONE.

these are good signs. these are vital signs. i'm too busy.

still in montreal. beautiful weather! the chill seeped in thru the nite. it's not fair. my summer has been one big gip. (gyp? oh. wait. now it's getting controversial). clearly i did not try hard enough. september is just a reminder of how much the summer sucked. all that hope. seems everyone says in may or june:
"It's gonna be a good summer!!!"

ya right. face facts. even though i was born in september - no great shakes. The transition from summer to fall is way abrupt. it's like falling backwards. (winter to spring is the best. summer is my favourite. this is new..after shedding 'dead can dance' out of my system).

oh gee. i wish i could post my book stuff but it's top secret. the cover is killer. i have to say. it happened BY ACCIDENT. I swear. it's like i didn't even do it. my hands were just moving around, being controlled. i don't know. i wish i could have NO TEXT on the cover but i dont know if that'll fly. i might just want the title and not even my name (classic ahlers style. "who made this?", "Who's art show is this? - is she even here?", "where did this zine come from? there's no name on it" etc).

visualize: HAWKS.

montreal was nice to me this afternoon. all i have to do is leave the house. i ran into a bunch of people i know from here and there (& some i dont want to know but i'm really good at vibing people out of the room/store/area of town. just kidding) and then i felt 'popular' for a few minutes. that was rare. i really do get tired of wandering around by myself.

Nerdsie introduced me to DIK-DIKS last nite!!! oh gee. how special. they are KILLING me. look at them!

i'm sitting here in montreal. i missed my train yesterday. slept thru my 'goldphone'alarm clock. i thot i hit 'snooze'. ("Snooze Button" is one of my 100 nicknames).

if you have sleeping problems, it is suggested to go sit outside first thing and face your face to the sun for fifteen minutes to set your biological clock. done and done.

i bought the new vanity fair. i bought the FARRAH one. there is a super nice spread on don and betty draper. apparently, michael weiner (!?) suggested JANUARY JONES +(that name!! aka 'betty', 'birdie', 'betts') read ARIEL by Sylvia Plath. I was just scanning a line drawing of Ms. Plath the o'er day so now i have an idea for another page in my book - w/ betty and sylvia togeths. at last.

i am trying not to lose my mind over bookcopy. over attempting to 'encapsulate' and/or frame the work i do. it might as well be a tombstone. engraved forevs. this has been an impossible chore over the years. esp now that i am working on the book, the material - and am meant to be move out of that to talk about the work - while it's happening - it feels like my brain might break. i do nothing at the drop of a hat. i dont work in an ER room. that's not my profession.

although 'stevie nicks + hollie hobbie' is making some semblance of sense. since i make CRAFT PRODUCTS and like ROCK. i feel grateful for that. somehow.

gdamn it might as well be 1960. nothing has changed. take me to town on that. i won't go.

i'll go enjoy montreal now. all i want to do is go to LA RONDE and go on that ferris wheel and stand on the expo 67 site.

mike gabel aka Hot Breath Karaoke

my old bfriend mike is visiting w/ his wife Jen from london, england (engleterre)
he didn't get back to me properly so our timing is all screwy...he's arriving TO today and i'm leaving..then he informs me he is going to THE EX in ottawa ('canada's exhibition' etc...it's a yearly fun fair type thing) to see APRIL WINE and they got wrist bands for ALL DAY RIDES (topped off w/ april.w) so now i may have to zip back from montreal REAL quick to head to ottawa. but that could be HOURS and HOURS. so it might not happen. argh. mad.

mike said he might move here from engleterre and i was squealing on the phone PLEASE MOVE HERE!

all you gotta do is youtube 'hot breath karaoke' and you'll see why he should move to Toronto.
or 'Duotard' their 'forever in spandex' project they've been doing over the last ..decade, i think?
he's something else. i dont even know where to start.

i love going on rides.

snail's pace

ESSENTIAL LISTENING: david suzuki's one hour radio show called the last call in which he interviews david cheesewright (CEO of wallmart canada), james lovelock (gaia theory), annie leonard (the story of stuff) and al gore (vicepresUSA/inconvenie...nt truth) about our consumptive lifestyle and what we need to do to save the planet. (*radical change needed*) thanks anne!!

i heard this CBC podcast a few weeks ago and it's awesome!

i hope nobody thinks i am a jerk for saying there is too much art out there. i think i speak from years of experience and awareness - even if only standing on the sidelines, holding up the walls and watching. everything.

A beautiful PAPER FIRE by jamie q! now that's damn fine & necessary art!
her art is great. my favourite sculpture of hers is a plastic take-out fork with a tine broken off and a piece of trident gum wrapper paper wrapped around the handle.

um...i am working on my book and it's hella slow going. i only have a few boundaries: no boys allowed. no images of couples. mostly all colour and trying to have no text. it's challenging to separate the vast body of work (see: too much art) i've produced over the last few years. lord geezus. help me.
i do produce alot of work but alot of it is NOT NECESSARY. people need to edit more. esp people who post hundreds of stupid & bad photos on facebook.

this is killer

i like how it can be read 'art is all over' as in: ART IS OVER.
ya we know. art is all around. bleh. who cares? i prefer 'love is all around'.

it'd be cool if some art was over. there's too much Precious Art around right now. take a hike.

hand model by serena mccarroll.j

it is true. i am obsessed with fingernails. i was a born nail biter. since i've been living in toronto, i have MAGICALLY stopped biting my nails. a co-worker of lisa's said maybe i feel comfortable here. Kevin said that. He made this beautiful video of a Hello, Blue Roses song. Starring: Guy.

sometimes i relapse. it helps if i wear nail polish ALL THE TIME. i still cant get over this 'liquid paper' polish right now that the nice lady put on the other day. i've never had a manicure before...it seems so strange/uncomfortable/wrong. but the lady is an ARTIST. the real kind. i sat and watched Scorpions videos and looked across the room at lisa getting her 'pedi' .

That Scorps song is heavy shit.

'donger's in town for five minutes & he's got someone/i live here my whole life & i'm like a disease' (i am slow)

i didn't have alot to say about the passing of john hughes. i'm not sure why. the whole MJ thing left me stricken ('something is rotten in the state of denmark' style). maybe i was too emotionally depleted by the death of yet another person i Do Not Know. but. of course his movies hugely impacted me - like breathing air. 'pretty in pink' is my DNA. i saw the films in the theatre live style/real time. i was *there*, man! (said in 'woodstock voice').

BUT! when i read this testimonial/blog entry ('We'll Know When We Get There") that i am sure has circulated widely blog to blog to blog...it hit me then.

strange, too b/c a few weeks ago i was collecting images of molly ringwald for inspiration and such but didn't post. i know i have psychic capability but don't always act on it. too much disappointment, i s'pose.

so ya. my delayed reaction to the death of john hughes should give y'all a real clear sense of where i am @ right now...about 3 weeks behind.

!
o wait. i know why i didn't blog it. because it's TOO OBVIOUS that i would blog it. i take issue with being too obvious. i'll change that.
it's been a problem for YEARS now.
& i miss the boat.

speaking of THE BOAT...
PS o. the dance party thru the ages was fun!!! i got there late (of course) had to WAIT IN LINE which is generally refuse to do but i did b/c i knew it'd be worth it...i met a kid named Neil and we talked about the Exorcist for 20 minutes. by the time i got inside it was the late 70s..so i only got highlights fr the last 30 years being 'sunglasses at night', a le tigre song, songs fr the future (robot style dancing), 'crazy in love' (i'm throwing these out random) 'common people'. wu tang. missy elliott. i was not keen on the 'weezer' spurt..towards The End was feelin' like depression-era dance contest/'they shoot horses, don't they?' probably 4 hours straight of dancing. i had a pounding dehydration headache but it was very worth it. Like, what could possibly be better? getting dressed up to go exericse? nothing!

i wish i could find a place to dance like the place they go to in SCARFACE..opulence w/ a 'chok'lit shop' feel (not peachpit. i hate early 90210 & clearly i am not intersted in the 'cokenail vibe'. No druggies, please)...dance places are always skid with: Must Sell Booze. dont get me started on capitalist structure. we all know).To find a nice healthy place to dance seems impossible. Why doesn't yoko ono start some sort of foundation/chain of venues? She is forever telling us all to DANCE. Same for madonna. c'mon ladies. put your money where your mouth is.

jeff's a jeanius

look what jeff did!
book

Thanks for babysitting my art for seven years, documenting it and posting and then sending it back!

That Police album cover is one of my favourites. Do YOU see the LED portraits?

Just got home from Hong Kong - a fingernail and toe painting session. i can't bring myself to say 'mani' & 'pedi' even though i just did. i got: 1. fingernails: LIQUID PAPER 2. Toe nails: DRIED BLOOD.

i am thrilled! it took a long time. Lisa and i were passing out in the chairs. Lisa got hot pink and out of hand detailwork by the incredible artist lady. earlier we went to this crazy massage place where you lie on a bed and and 'jade balls' roll RANDOMLY up and down your spine to the top of your head and then to your ankles for half an hour. it was NUTS but incredible. we didn't want it to end. And for some reason: FREE. we think it is because they are trying to sell the beds. we guessed for around $5,000 each. Possibly more. We're totally going back.

I was just trying to have a nap in preparation for a dance party at a place called THE BOAT. It is a chronological dancy party mix starting from the 1890s to the year 2010. my nap was interrupted by a pleasant surprise: jank! Hence the subject title. He is my penpal from oh..around 1994?

Etster (etsy)

who came up with that word? etsy. sounds like australian slang perhaps (i love australia).

i haven't checked 'the etster' (not 2 b confused w/ 'friendster' or 'napster') 2 much lately being that it is 'summer holidaze' but the two times i have in the last week - it's all HALLOWEEN SH*T. Come on! It's AUGUST! the first week of!

it is also often VAMPIRE sh*t, too. that's great! i love true blood! (if i hear 'fang bang' one more time though...)

2nite i found these really nice crocheted skulls.
this is fine work!!!

i have a new external hard drive (lacie) i'm thrilled. it's 'sleek design' is total miami vice. this evens out my hollie hobbie/banger vibe.

i'm not really a banger.

carrie snodgress

she was in "Blue Sky". Neil Young 'fell in love with the actress'. He wrote about and married her. Man Needs A Maid.
she has aged in a strange bitter way. at least, this is how i read her face. As a young lady, she was very cool.
I want to read his biography SHAKY (his nickname). I saw a copy at this good used bookstore here in Toronto (TO is full of those. People here love to read. Same as Portland). But the book is HUGE & HEAVY. I am not sure I can take this burden on right now - as much as i love Neil Young. Especially a young Neil Young. My brother tortured me as a teen by blasting NY 24-7. B/c of this: I hated NY. That music does not appeal much to a teenage girl from the 80s. These days I cannot live without it. Cubby was convinced I stole one of the discs from his 'essential collection'. As if. Eventually he found the disc years later doubled up in a Sugarcubes jewel box/cd case.

as for the myers-briggs...i dont know. it's kind of a strange corporate/army vibe. it's v. black and white. i'm more of a 'maybe' than a 'yes' or a 'no'.
I heard on CBC that courtney love posted 60 entries on her blog one day. now she just tweets it. sometimes every 10 seconds. & then nothing for days, weeks.

G.I. No Go

my friend CHRISTOPHER FLETT got me into these doctored "GI Joe" cartoons a few years ago. we sat around his computer gasping for air/laughing hysterically. we still dont know why.

'chrish' as i call him now, was 'xopher'. in the 90s. i have known him since i was 10 years old. we went to the same elementary school. we had the same excellent teacher who fixed our lives for the better. 'chrish' had 'porkchop sandwiches' on his voicemail for 2 years.

xo

PS the only time 'football is not gay' is when it is FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

PPS i watched 'Blue Sky' again last nite. it's been years. Jessica Lange is my favourite actress. That movie is so good. It made me cry 3 times. Everyone needs a Tommy Lee Jones like that. (you can watch it all on rube tube). that movie says ALOT.

Low Blow

okay. WHY am i watching Silence of the Lambs?
I did a 'drawing' (60 seconds 'stoner' version) based on SIGNAGE from the opening sequence of 'Silence'. Clarice/jody foster is on that krazykadet/army workout thing/ropes/tires/circle of sweat top/jungle gym...there is a tall tree crucified with four skid signs:

HURT

PAIN

AGONY


LOVE-IT!

hahah. i laughed. I laughed & re-wound.
& ya. i'm loving it. I'm loving it and rewinding backpedal and immortalizing that in ART.

The cereal killer - Buffalo Bill - is interesting fictional character. He has a BICHON FRISE!!!
Of course it is a creepy/disturbing movie. Blech. I'm watching it objectively, please and thank you. Sociological. 1991.

ogod. my favourite song of the summer just came on...Buckingham/Nicks: Long Distance Winner. I want to die every time i hear it.

(an awesomely deranged 'video' to accompany it. he did admit: 'I went overboard on the sunflowers')

Photo: My old penpal pal JEFF JANK sent me a heart-shaped record a couple feverfew weeks back. Opening up the fold-out cardboard encasement was like uncovering a precious gem. He's the art director for Stones Throw records.

ALSO!!! i highly suggest a MYERS-BRIGGS Personality Assessment. Based in Jungian theory, a mother-daughter team began creating the indicator during World War II, believing that a knowledge of personality preferences would help women who were entering the industrial workforce for the first time identify the sort of war-time jobs where they would be "most comfortable and effective".[

It's a really good thing to do. Especially if you are having a personality crises or considering a change in career!

This Human Metrics one seems okay. It is easy and accessible. (although some of the questions are worded in a 'double negative' kind of way). I suggest taking the test when you are bright-eyed and bushy-tailed for best results. I have the same type as John Lennon, Princess Diana and the lady who wrote the harry potter books. I am going to take it again and see what happens this time.

'Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out'*

I WISH WE COULD GO DANCING.

JUST LIKE YOKO SAYS ALL THE TIME.

THERE SHOULD BE DANCING AVAILABLE LIKE COFFEE SHOPS.

SERIOUSLY.

THIS WORLD IS SO ASSBACKWARDS.

xoxoxoxo

(ps that was an email i just sent to dr. skipper..who will HOPEFULLY fingers crossed be guest blogging shortly. let's get this party started. actually. i think the party started...um..two nights ago...possibly even a week ago..)

Art by Karin Bubas. I love her art. If you click that link you can see some of her photos. DIE 4.
the above image is a pastel series based on The Hills. It's up at that gallery at ECIAD.