TONIGHT WE PARTY FOR MICHAEL!

cybill

Marilyn Chambers' still from Rabid

i guess i have felt like that a lot over the years

'remember when Fluffy died?'

amazing

quadruple amazing. check out that sick painting in the back.

not cybill shepherd but they worked that angle.

sick

sic

not an especially good time (above). Hair, dress.

Those are all pictures of Marilyn Chambers. I'll get those. ('cept for The Last Picture Show)

TONIGHT WE PARTY FOR MICHAEL!

that's my favourite twitter of the day...i also like bruce la bruce's:

Hello? Michael Jackson. Heath Ledger.

which was preceded by:

Wonder if they'll reissue Michael Jackson Was My Lover: The Secret Diary of Jordie Chandler by Victor Gutierrez. I own an autographed copy.

I myself LIED on facebook today and status updated:

Heard on subway this morning: "AND FOR THE RECORD, I NEVER SHAT TALKED MICHAEL!"

a. LIE! this morning i was in bed sleeping off insomnia therefore nowhere NEAR a subway (and sleeping off my heavy sad michael dreams. for real).

b. i just want people to know that I never shit talked michael. i just didn't want to get into 'discussion' about it. So i did what the general populace does - put air quote marks around it. buffer. hide. faker.

anytime i heard a pedophilia accusation, i just felt sad. To be frank, i didn't want believe it. I didn't want to KNOW. Mmmmichael 'apparently' had prescriptive drug and booze issues so maybe he was hopped up? People do stupid things under the influence. STILL. I don't know. i don't buy it. & christ - it doesn't matter anymore. Unless of course if it was true, the adult children are permanently damaged. IT was/is so interesting to me how CERTAIN people would get so angry, accusational, divided about this alleged pedophilia. All it made me think was:

what happened to YOU? & what are YOU not dealing with?

like maybe look at that, people(s).

can i repeat that a hundred times more?

so ya. anytime michael stuff has come up over the last couple of decades...i just felt DEEPLY sad for him. my heart always went out to michael. but this is what one does when they practice extreme EMPATHY. ever heard of it? (not you...the general mass).

i remember watching that..what the hell was that? that crazy MJ expose that came out around 2003 ...watching in the basement of my old house in vancouver with jeremy..in the middle of the day. it was so depressing. i felt so sick inside. even watching it, participating/perpetuating felt so wrong. & strange to come from someone so interested in 'celeb'.

around age 11, i had a short-lived michael obsession. (obsession aside, i have always enjoyed michael's music and spirit (well, you know..before...b4..before i-don't-know-what)) i had many, many posters. that school year i adored my teacher - Mr. Moore. He bore an uncanny resemblance to Herman Munster. He had a booming voice and played the piano and sang at the top of his lungs with pure joy. I liked him so much i became one of the top students. He saw something in me. I worked so hard. Perhaps just to please him. If i hadn't worked so hard for Mr. Moore, I wouldn't have ended up in the gifted kidz program the next year. My whole life would've been different. obvs. I coulda been a drug addict in the smoke pit. Instead i got to hang with all the nerds and dorks. Amen.

I somehow knew that Mr. Moore's daughter really liked Michael Jackson. My short-lived obsesh was coming to a close. I carefully untaped and unpinned my poster collection and lovingly rolled them up and brought them all to school. I said, "Mr. Moore, these are for your daughter because I know she likes Michael Jackson more than I do".

was that too much?
is that what a kid does so desperate for attention and validation ?

i would stop at nothing.

(epilogue: Mr. Moore is still my favourite teacher. I think of him fondly and often.
He loved Ray Bradbury. All old science fiction. I stayed up all night memorizing The Highwayman and dramatically quoted/parroted it back verbatim as a class exercise (SEVENTEEN stanzas of six-lined rhymed couplets. There was no turning back). I would raise my arm and beg to read aloud to the class during "Reading". Raise my arm to read out my writing, to recite poetry. All that jazz).

an idea came up about me posing like the film poster for RABID (1977, david cronenberg). I've made alot of art from this image. (2nd from top). I finally went online to do a lil research. Marilyn Chambers. omg. I had no idea. She was the IVORY SNOW (99 44/100ths pure) model and later starred in Behind The Green Door. PURE PORN.
(DC wanted Sissy Spacek to play the lead but was nixed b/c of her accent).

Marilyn Chambers JUST died in april. aged 62. found in her home by her 17-year old daughter.
In a 2004 interview, Chambers said "My advice to somebody who wants to go into adult films is: Absolutely not! It's heart-breaking. It leaves you kind of empty. So have a day job and don't quit it".

People die all the time everyday every s e c o n d.

When I met her she was a lot harder than I had hoped. She had plucked eyebrows and her hair was very pre-Farrah Fawcett. She had been doing Las Vegas. Chuck Traynor, her husband/manager, was not my favorite kind of guy. Very tough. They were both into trading gold-plated revolvers with Sammy Davis Jr., that kind of thing. It's a world totally foreign to me; not one I'll ever get to know too well. But Chuck was very protective of Marilyn, and very supportive of the movie. And Marilyn herself was very shrewd and sharp, and worked really hard. She'd obviously had some rough times since that first little movie that I saw of hers. But she was a real trouper, and invented her own version of Method acting. When she had to cry it wasn't a problem, because Chuck would say, "Remember when Fluffy died"—Fluffy was her cat—and then she'd cry. I thought she had real talent, and expected her to go on and do other straight movies. But she went back. I don't know if it was Chuck, or that the industry still wouldn't accept her.