'I will love you till the end of time'

oops forgot to blog for what...like..what? a year? can i blog everyday? if a tree falls in the forest, does anybody give a rat's ass? I know i do.


so yessssssss i'm in TORONTO doing the terry fox marathon (bless him) version of all things bunnies..give me my dixie cup of water every 30 steps. ..actually no. pass me my FAVOURITE CUP. I bought this EXCELLENT cup from hugo didier last year at the Oneofakind show where i am now..I drink my 900 tonnes of water out of it every day. It's tall in the shape of a heart with a lipstick kiss mark where your own lips hit the cup and drink the water. AND! Ergonomic: it fits perfectly in your hand. Hugo himself told me each lipstick mark on every cup is HIS OWN. Dude applied and re-applied lippystick for HOW MANY CUPS? i'm going to ask him tomorrow cos i'm going to buy MORE. (i actually bought two last year but one vanished into thin air). I'm really not much of a shopper. ok i lie but i'm really really picky and i only buy the good sh*t.

the show is going awesomely. i dont know what it is. My booth location? I'm right around the corner from JULIE SINDEN. Thank goodness. It's been so, so busy...for example: run out for 5 minutes to go buy a five dollar coffee so i can stay awake for the next 13 hours going on 4 hours sleep and not eating anything all day but a handful of almonds and then not even being able to drink the coffee. i'm NOT kidding you. This is the opposite of my usual life. of course i find this all to be really fun..even if it's insane and exhausting and not super healthy but i make up for the food in the evening. in fact, i just polished off grant's chocolate coconut bliss. OOPS. I keep wondering when people will stop paying attention to the bunnies but it doesnt seem to be..happening. they just continue to gain in popularity like a VERY LARGE SNOWBALL. I will say that i do my best to make them better and push for evolving/evolution. It's really all i care about. All i care about is MAKING IT BETTER. And i mean everything.

a very sweet girl came in with her mom (times 10 - this happened several times over) and wanted my autograph. ???! (she really just wanted the bunny's autograph but bunny didnt have a pen so i was the stand-in). Lots of girls carry their bunnies with them everywhere. THE STORIES I HAVE HEARD. Bunnies with homemade hammocks stretched over beds, bunny condos, bunny apartment buildings...Um..i do love it when i get to revisit a bunny..when a collector brings their bunny by to say hi. I usually add some accessories..today i added a silver halo/headband with a gray feather to a big pink bunny.
Collectors. This is how it goes.

i digress. There are a hundred stories. ALL OF THEM ARE AMAZING. This stuff keeps me going.


i've been listening to that lana del rey business. i know i've been in a warren for the last while..is this all new? am i that out of it? i like her 'video games' and 'blue jeans' songs and her LOOK IS QUITE GOOD. HER NAILS and the ooober bling (diamante hoops the size of halos) and the 1940s veronica lake hair and those slightly sleazy rose-tinted heart-shaped specs (I mean - COME ON) and her 50s dresses and other random. kinda dope (like soap on a rope).
i heard she had  plastic surgery assistance but what else is new and free to be you and me so that is weird but free to be me and you and while we're at it everyone else we know. oddly, strangely, amazingly, she and her sister run a "grassroots homeless outreach program in New York assisting street people (that never feels right to say) in piecing back their identification/paperwork so they may transition back into 'normal life' and get jobs, apartments".  WHO IS THIS PERSON?  Just try and connect the dots. Actually - don't because you won't. She's appears...??? 
i like those two songs and the style mashing and her possibly true humanitarianism?
Now i'm going to listen to BLUE JEANS over and over.

and let's hope it's all true and not this bullsh*t

POSTSCRIPT POSTSCRIPT POSTSCRIPT!! it's all fake!!!! i knew it. Lisa Prentice proved it. Her daddy purchased all of it.  I KNEW something was rotten in the state of Denmark. It just wasnt sitting right. just wasn't. wasn't

In other news - i dont have time to do ROOKIE pictures this month but i have been pounding out movie reviews left, right and centre. HAAAAAAAA FRIED GREEN TOMATOES! I have new meaning, new purpose to my existenz as a human bean.

check it.

MEEK'S CUTOFF

i'm about halfway through. it is very dumbly that i am 'watching' this while frantically sewing (not frantic..the only way the bunnies work now is if they are made slowly. I contemplate each stitch now. it frightens me sometimes. the perfectionism has  reached a new high (i think it makes realize how far i had to come. that also frightens me). i say 'dumbly' b/c this movie requires 1000% attention. It is so beautiful. The colour palette. You are there. A canary in a birdcage. No water. Chucking dead weight heirlooms off the back of a covered chuck wagon. Crude knitting. Gun powder. One book. Dry cracked skin and dirt.


trailer here
i want to wear bonnets. i love their clothing.

THE FRIDGE

i like to decorate fridges. It's my personal art gallery and IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY. i was thinking of organizing a group show years back (1996?). Everyone would drag their own fridge (to wherever gallery) & decorate and fill their fridge. Someone talked me out of it pointing out logistics and all. but i wonder why i let them talk me out of it?  People make insane movies that bleed money. Herzog made FITZCARRALDO. Oh. and then there's Ishtar. Lesson: dont listen to anybody. Another lesson: if you think your idea is dumb or logistically dumb, think of Ishtar.
Here is the current stage of the fridge. This exhibit titled ART WORKERS WONT KISS ASS is ending tomorrow. (it's already getting covered by the new slew). Most of these images came via amazing mail and mostly from my pal SUZY. Shary sent 'the hand of the artist'. I have no idea whose hand that is (probably picasso's. It is usually Picasso). Lesson #3: It's a really good idea to send me mail.

Picardo

 Pinnipeds. i love seals. always have. always will. when i was a little kid my favourite stuffed animal was a black seal. they seem so defenseless! It's difficult for them to move on land. Their eyes are windows to every lost soul.

 J. Crew cata. hello. sweaters and tutus??? YES. That's Suzy's drawing as a fridge magnet. she's dancing with the stars.

 brilliant suzy art

 EGRETS! I am very drawn to these birds. How stunning. The wingspan. Stick an 'r' in front of 'egret' and you know what you have (and i have many and none). I love this image. I might have to blow it up into a huge poster.

 GD CATHY!!!she's a tard but u must luv her. This is a collaboration between me and the Swizzler..it's a CATHY sticker in and amongst the great artists of our time. Ha. That's Paul Cezanne seated and white bearded Camille Pissarro..and some hangers-on. Art. The End.
PS the ART WORKERS WONT KISS ASS POSTER was a gift from grant heaps. It's good isn't it? www.primaryinformation.org

BEHAVING OURSELVES

here are some elle fanning collages i was tinkering with while in dawson @ the residency a month or whatever ago. i had a break through while shifting the papers around and then realized 'oh, just photograph them'. Sometimes collage work can drive a person mad. There are too many possibilities. You have to force clarity and just commit.

Here is song of the week (just scroll past the chrissie hynde/joan jett image and 'ode to lydia lunch' text to 'all too human'. I cannot, for the life of me, place the jangly guitars..and what they remind me of..but it's so good)

singles & ROOKIE

so weird. i've been driving around listening to the SINGLES soundtrack (might be over it..but ya..that 'click' will take u to my favourite song on it. DORK!)..and then ROOKIE gave me a few assignments one of them being an illustration on THE JOYS OF BEING SINGLE. so weird b/c everything i illustrate for them is basically my life..(w/ the exception of an upcoming story on 'cutting'). Heavy stuff.  wonder why. (Lived thru it). So the above image. i just wanted to look at the illustration again b/c it turned out so well. I cant tell you how fun it is to work for Rookie. It's like a psychic/ESP communication/connection. Total dream. I've been going on and on about it but if you knew me personally and my life - you'd understand why I am going on about it. It can get very lonely way the fk hell out in left field waving my arms around, 'hey! hey! guys!!! OVER HERE!' (for decades)..and then just saying 'forget it' and go live in my own little self-constructed universe. Which is fine. And I do. Very well. But sometimes i want to connect with other like-minded individuals. I care about this project very much. I care about true connectedness and community and building self-esteem and self-worth for THE LADIES OF THE WORLD.

My local friend little stevie brought up the 'judgment day' soundtrack mentioning that it's one of the first 'cross overs'...like melding/fusing several genres. Like..y'know..metal and rap. Et cetera. I'm glad genre crossing is more at the forefront. BRING THAT! It's important to throw things off.

I've been internet trolling a bit (all inspired by ROOKIE) and I've found some fun things! Do you like The Notebook? Then you probably like fellow Canadian Ryan Gosling. This 'Feminist Ryan Gosling' blog is good stuff. I think the blog is about 5 days old now. the thing blew up mental overnite. That's The Sign. (& if you havent seen BLUE VALENTINE yet, get on it, please!)

Here's a great little NPR interview w/ Tavi talking about Rookie. I love her speaking voice. She is so composed and wise and thoughtful.
This hilarious NINETIES blog...the front page screams at you: YOU'RE NOT PUNK AND I'M TELLING EVERYONE ('save your breath/i never was one') . That's a lyric from an old Jawbreaker song. I'm just lamenting - Blake was my penpal for a minute. Penpals. Sigh.

PS back to crossing genres..this is really the best song off the SINGLES soundtrack..it's a cover of 'battle of evermore' by the Lovemongers aka HEART. It's better than Zep's.

POST SCRIPT! as in next day/now. That post was the frk'n most random thing i've ever done. i think this might be my new goal in life. MORE RANDOM. Or wait. Is that a bad thing? it is too scattered? 

'my fascination with Fatal Attraction knows no bounds'

i love these images from an EW 'fatal attraction' reunion (sans brunette). Reunion?? If you know the movie, this is surreal. It's a happy ending! A framed chef's knife! Hell ya! (speaking of which - my brand new chef's knife is M.I.A. since my move). Glenn's even wearing a similar shade of dried blood red nail polish she wore as Alexx Forest in F.A (her outfits in that movie are outstanding). There's even a puppy dog under that bench. Glenn Close is in my top 5 favourite actresses('AcTOR!', says the actress) and michael douglas is still alive.

We're all still alive.

White bunnies abound right now. That little bunny looks pretty chilled out. Okay time to watch DAMAGES now.

POSTING BUNNIES

I've been posting bunnies on the etsy store because sometimes this is what i do..and then months pass and i dont have time but i have time right now!
(do you love the profile pic of a Pocohontas-inspired bunny? Can you even tell what it is? Thought not).

Also still on my Courtney jag! I watched this BEHIND THE MUSIC from 2010..it blew my mind. It's so heavy and incredible and embarrassing and sad and beautiful and brilliant. It's a huge part of my own personal history and make-up having grown up so much alongside of it in a weird nosebleed seat kinda way but also feeling front row and inside of it as a collective biography thing that life seems to be sometimes.

I have a thousand things to say about Courtney Love.
I am working on something.

FALL ON YOUR SWORD

i'm waiting on pins and needles for November's VANITY FAIR w/ this Love piece that i want to read..but I may know all the info i need to know - or not know (meaning: i know enough). I did find this tiny short film 'courtney in wonderland' via VF's site. It's weird. But I watched it twice. It's like i'm going to get some special key or insight into humanity and WHY and WHY and WHY?? How do people like this do this???? GET THERE? It's unbelievable. The Secret. My CL fixation has been going on and off and on since about 1992 or 1993. My hate and my love. She boggles my mind.

Dial-A-Lash

my friend anne just made me watch this. I was mesmerized. Sat rapt. ALL MY TIME IN VANCOUVER. My past life flashed before my eyes.

Radar

Here is where i live now. It is called the 'radar apartments'. I love this image. It was built by the military
(awesome (that's sarcasm)) in 1948 as a SIGNAL STATION! I can feel it. I love living in buildings that were not meant to be lived in....but become that - living spaces. I like this because it feels very neutral. Having spent the last month at the 100+year old haunted Macaulay House in Dawson has loaded me up enough for the next decade. I need neutral. This new space is a very open space with the highest ceilings i've ever seen in a non-living space plus wall of windows plus a good eggshell white wall for me to work on. The light is outstanding. It is perfect light. I feel like a plant in a good spot.  I will get much work done in here.
Oh. And the hallways. Sick. Dark wood panelboard and just DARK and more dark and SHINING. I love it. It's totally weird and suits me just fine.
For now.

Now I Am Forty

 "Light from a cake is such a great light. Maybe we should just live in cake light", says Claire from Six Feet Under. She might have been stoned when she said that. But she is right. It is the best light.

This was fun. The painting in the background is still pencilled outline from Alice Munro's 'Lives Of Girls And Women'..but i blacked out those four letters. Everyone is making a big deal out of forty..it feels as epic and as on par as losing one's virginity...Forty feels better than 20 and 30. I've always known it would be this way. I've always known it would be better some day. And it is.
My friend Wendy threw a sweet and very special and very small little birthday party for me at the shack. She got me a  cake, bunny ears and sushi. It was perfect. I only like small parties from now one. Thank you Wendy!

other people's art

THIS photo (sorry..ART)  made me laugh! Let's get random. I love the styro foam he's using like wrist rests..and that he's propped up on work horse-whatever-those-things-R w/ boxes of sh*t underneath (AWESOME) and every other obvious thing about it that is hilarious (a single magenta croc (double gross), the poorly faked amputated knee (we can see that it's bent), cucumber fingers? sezza whatta?). Outstanding. bravo bravo.

this image is called 'crystal swallow' i think. I like it. ..to temper that sick other image is the great Simone d. Beauvoir (a quote of hers is the crux or nucleus of a current book project. How obvious is that?) and some more art. I found that art here...stumbled upon it while i was looking up  (one of)  the only galleries i like in Toronto.

My eyes are sore.
I'll snap out of my sarcasm like an elastic band listening to Elastica.
Just give me  5 minutes.

and lastly (it's hard 2 believe that word exists. it seems wrong but i'm using it)

IF NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC MAGAZINES ARE THE 'YELLOW PLAGUE' THEN BUILD ME A CROUP TENT OR THROW ME IN QUARANTINE FOR 24 YEARS! FINE! NO PROBLEM! NO MORE NGMs! please!

(as much as i dearly love them).

Yes. still at residency. still sorting.
xo
ps. tried zumba today. no comment.
Alright. Comment: i have mild dyslexia and i can only move to my own moves.
it was alright. the music was awful so that made it a drag. Over produced processed latin beats? NO THANK YOU. fix the music and i'll reconsider.

NOTHINGNESS

this is part of an installation i did a few years ago. i like it @ this moment b/c it is almost Nothing. I have a love of nothingness.

WHEN YOU ARE BORED YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU WANT

 like posting (stupid) pictures of yourself (cos no one else is gonna do it (my tagline))
And by using the word 'stupid', am i depreciating the self?

i'm quite into these hilarious LOOK AROUND YOU instructional videos (link is below) made by some brilliant UK jokesters from the earlier part of the 200000s. Micah Adams here at the residency showed me one yesterday. The details are outstanding: scientists pointing out everything with pencils...to the point of pointing out the pencils with pencils.

When you have 10 minutes to yourself i suggest kicking back with one (especially if you have a bowl of soup to eat).  MATHS is my favourite. I was watching the 'ghosts' one b4 bed last night. Bad idea. APPARENTLY the Macaulay House is haunted. I've been having bad dreams and i'd say there is something ghostie going on. It probably didn't help that we were out at an abandoned mining compound last night poking around through all the rubble. It's safe to say that ALL of Dawson City is haunted. There was a whole bike graveyard with turn-of-the century bike parts. So much junked machinery. Rust never sleeps.
PS that's a picture of me trying not to crack up and trying to capture some ghosts in the mirror. When you are bored you can do anything you want.

I wasn't bored. 

LOVE IS A BEACH

Collage: Over the Edge is the movie I have been watching since i was eight years old. Since 1978. The youtube trailer does not do it justice. I will talk about this movie again. Back to this: the textiles are mine - angora sweater scraps from making bunnies stitched back to gether to make a quilt (it'll be years in the works). Look at Madonna's eyebrows! Aren't they something! (not even a question). I spent a fair amount of energy looking at photos of her the other night. I read the comments rather in-depth (never do). It was revelatory. The consensus of the common people: She is a BITCH.

Ain't nothing wrong with being a bitch.
Although being a bitch for extended periods can eventually go All About Eve sideways.

I'm still in DAWSON CITY..Here's some Dawson for you: me wake up sitting at kitchen table drinking my coffee phone rings: "hi sonja. it's eryn. can you come and play softball? We need a girl. We need a girl in five minutes".
me: what?

so i hop on the junkie bike at the residency to join a freaking TOURNAMENT that's in progress...the opposition was a team of TOTAL PROS from fairbanks, alaska.
I did hit the ball. so hard. Eryn said, 'you've got the power. that's all that matters'.
The last time i played softball was in 1982. I was on a team. Just as i was really getting into this tournament, the game was over. We were C.R.E.A.M.E.D. Admittedly, I did do a lame thing which was whip back to the rez mid-game to  get my gumboots. i didnt want to destroy my multi-metallic adidas high tops with subdued gold laces. REFUSED. No one told me the field was all mud. (it only took 4 minutes to do this. Dawson is a tiny, tiny town).

ok! so the ROOKIE site/mag is going up Labour Day (that's RIGHT NOW. i started this post yesterday). I want you in front of your computer on Labour Day. Right now. I contributed some lovingly orchestrated collage compositions/illustrations and two book reviews (for two of my favourite books) and a song for the staff playlist. I want to hear that playlist. It hasnt been posted yet.
As for this project: I'm thrilled.  "Thrilled" as in:  i just got off a rollercoaster ride..or mid-way ride or at the beginning..of the ride.

Here is info on the site:http://www.thestylerookie.com/

and then HERE IS THE ACTUAL SITE:

ROOKIE

"The One I Love Is Gone"

 I'm in Dawson City now
for a month long artists' residency.
(i think my entire existence is an artists' residency).

sort of

after a very long drive
(driving into the sunset)
i crossed over

to here.

Now that I am here and have halfway unpacked and it's late
I was looking for NEW MUSIC and remembered these sisters from a Q episode. Oh how i love The Secret Sisters! Their heavenly voices. This one made me cry.  So I'm sitting  by myself in a huge house (the other artist arrives shortly..that's Micah Adams. New favourite artist. Check out his business)...and another remembrance: This house is haunted.

The drive was 6 hours (anne claims it's seven. i think i did it in 5 once driving a stick. shift. not a witch's but what's the diff?). I sang pretty much the entire way. It helps with the anxiety i occasionally experience...that affects my breathing. meaning: the anxiety inhibits my breathing.  but i've been so busy the last few days PACKING ETC ETC (i wont divulge. it's good and it's bad and then it's good and then it's great and then it's 'whatever it is' and you just have to KEEP ROLLING WITH IT) i havent been doing the things i do to keep it in check. BUT I SWEAR IT! SINGING saves the day..and the Secret Sisters are a revelation.


Songs 2 sing along to while driving to dawson today only:
 The Mountain - PJ harvey ('for in my heart/every tree is broken'. The best part is when she goes all hi crazy voice at the end. i want that business on the BODY DOUBLE ALBUM. My band w/ elisa rose). Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie chicks (i know. if you knew me you'd laugh. btw, that docu they did a few yrs ago is really good. It is called SHUT UP AND SING),  Scout Nibblet, Gillian Welch - My First Lover (any of her songs are great car singalongs)..i was happy when DJ Random delivered a 'skinny little bitch' via HOLE to me...It is fun stuff to sing to. ..unfortunately that song wears thin after one listen every six months (or years). Dont let it bring you down. I love CL.
I took a crack at 'broken wings' (Mr. Mister) thinking i might karaoke it but there's just no way. 
Please note: probably most hilarious is that i was wearing headphones the entire trip.
i'm pretty sure i drove thru some light dusting of snow..or FROST. i'm not KIDDING! August!

Yukon.

I may blog with some more frequency! Soonerly i get to announce this f'n AMAZING PROJECT i've been involved with. It's too too good to be true. see what i mean? GREAT.
PS. Dont ever fall in love.


you can be in love
just dont
fall
in

it.

(am i seriously posting this entry? there's so much REVEAL in here)

my summer ended 2.5 weeks ago

"BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE THERE'S NO INTELLIGENT LIFE DOWN HERE"

"she threw a suicide-themed Sweet 16 party at the House of Blues on Sunset Strip"

My friend Brooke posted some link on my FACEBOOK page (i wont get started)...of 'hedi slimane's diary'..i'm all 'what's this?':  a bunch of cool pristine super clear beautiful black and white portraits of a dark-haired gothic beauty covered in harsh tattoos and tattered superhero tshirts  and black lace and roman catholic ephemera and smoking in every shot' etc. all i could think was: HARSH YOUTH..like this person has lived. Took me a little bit to find out who it was: FRANCES COBAIN. I'm shocked. When did she stop eating? She's skin and bones and skin chain smoking against a chain link fence. dirty hands. bitten nails. and. again.

I was looking at some of (multi-millionaire) Frances' ART not long ago. It's pretty disturbed. I know that stuff comes with age. I look back at my Early Work and i want to burn it. all.
I hope she's okay.
Sample tattoo script reading: "Well, it's my time coming and I'm not afraid to die"

'Art is the solution to chaos'

Images are all HERE

PS black and white is where it is at. for me. for me. i'm also mildly obsessed w/ THE CROW right now. I posted that on The Facebook just to throw a few people off my trail. It was confessional sh*t. It's important to look at the dark side of things. they're doing a re-make of 'crow' apparently..with Mark Wahlberg! (at least it's not bradley cooper (was on the list)).  anyways. I was doing some research for a project and FORGOT that brandon lee was killed on the set of THE CROW. That is so heavy, so sad. Watching it is like watching a funeral procession. I saw it originally in the theatre and wasnt too impressed..thought it was kind of lame at the time. It's dark and dark. The 90s were very violent. So many people had their own small war going on inside of them.

Hi Guys

thanks to the LP/angelus novus for the poster. it's like a scream text. The font is hilarious. reminds me of the Peanuts for some reason. i dont know where she found it. she has her ways.

just got back from my evening walk. i did the lame version on the dirt road. i cant go too deep into the woods right now. mushrooms abound on the ground. it's chilly here  in the Yukon. All kinds of fun things happening!

pink beatrice

 my views on my walk along the bluffs of the yukon river

 elizabeth taylor, drying rosemary, bunny by selena wong, fieldguided calendar, owlie from tasmania/kellysmith, rabbit art by jackie (hi guy), my woodpile in the backyard

 MY BENCH. I love this bench. it's in the middle of n o w h e r e .

 my depression-era 'patsy' doll. i have a small collection of dolls - just a few.

 me and my yarrow. i picked so much yarrow before i left YT. It's all drying for later tea.

 a favourite bunny, a playmobil NUN, ribbon, lamb, broken egg shells, ice cream cone, a note to self (next book title that i will not divulge)

 bunny in a nest of scraps

 more depression-era things (do you see a theme? shack, scraps, depresh. I'm fine)...doll's tea set on a stack of golden books

messy shack
my current ongoing obsession: FEAR. My friend Suzanne (aka Pink Beatrice) just wrote me a note that she hosted a FEAR PARTY once. I'm waiting on the details (on pins and needles). Mark Wahlberg lives part time in Toronto where i am currently writing this.

JUST IN: Suzanne's FEAR party notes: party hosted in 2004 (genius. 8 yrs after its release date. right on time) w/ ex-boyfriend (they're still friends. check), invites sent out on tear-shaped cut outs with movie tagline: TOGETHER FOREVER (OR ELSE), a white cake with NICOLE 4 EVA on it in bloody red writing (btw. Suzy has probbs my favourite lettering evah)..u see..markiemark gave himself a 'nicole 4 eva' homemade tatty. nice work, bro! across his CHEST.

that cake sounds like kathleen hanna's Pearl Jam cake from about what? 97? from 'bake the cake that says DONT DIE'..and reminding me of my beloved TOTAL HELL cake from 'theselves' book launch at drawn and quarterly last yeaer that peggy got. I LOVE CAKE. i'll talk about it till the day i die.

Also just in: ANXIETY is caused when you go against your GUT FEELINGS.

That's intuition
which is always
100% correct

still.
night!