disclaimer

i was thinkin bout my 'blog entry' last nite while trying to go to sleep..thinking: that wasn't very kind nor feminist of me...going on about courtney's weight yo-yos....glo-ball...esp since i was going on about that 'goddess bowl' one day prior.

i've had a longstanding and longTERM relationship with C. Love that is very complex. I could probably write a book about it.

My comments about her physicalities and what she has chosen to do by HER CHOICE to HER BODY (Orlan queasy style) are mere observations. I am simply dumbfounded and saying aloud...observations. It makes me so queasy.

She herself has been so contradictory and hyprocritical over the years - my only response to her is to suck it up like a mushroom and reflect that contradiction and hypocrisy right back. Which is why stars are stars - they mirror the state of our society.

Courtney Love has let me down repeatedly over the years. I truly held her in high esteem way, way back in the early Hole days (1991-1994). The more I learned about her personal life and the ills of her ways from reliable sources who were tainted or damaged by her actions - sickened and nauseated me. I wrote her off. Watching her run the full gamut of a career attempting to do mainstream Hollywood, US mag covers, to Middle-Of-The-Road 'power ballads' - watching her snowboard and spray tan and hob knob with dorky celebs to now coming right back full circle to her old 'punk roots' in her almost mid-40s..has been nothing less than....awe-inspiring/jaw dropping. A true sociopath. Watching her struggle and hold or keep or try to find her identity in all this mass confusion...this is something i can understand - if only for a minute. She is nothing short of a cockroach-like survivor.

Nancy Spungen carried this piece of ee cummings poetry on her person till her death in 1978:

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”

Now you can take that quote as cornball as you like but I think it speaks the perfect truth.
And I love ee cummings' poetry.

endnote: courtney was crestfallen to not have landed the part of Nancy Spungen in Alex Cox's Sid And Nancy.
one of my all-time favourite movies.
PS that pic is A.J. Langer as "Rayanne Graff" from My So-Called Life.
Another piece of Ahlers "Holy Grail".